“I only helped them because I knew they’d owe me.”

How do you frame your motivations?

The enemy wants to steal, kill and destroy; specifically, you. He wants to see you living a life of death. He has no new tactics, and the same tactic he used on Adam and Eve he used on Jesus, and will use on you “IF you are a/ the son/ Son of God, THEN ….”. Yes, if he can get us to question who we are, then we feel that we need to do things/ behave in a certain way to prove who we are to ourselves, to others, and to God; and that we are worth the position, the title, and the relationship.

My sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me. John 10: 27

I was passing through Edinburgh today, and after purchasing some food from a supermarket walked to a nearby grassy area. It wasn’t big enough to be called a park, there were a couple of trees and no benches to sit down, and as I approached, I noticed a lone figure, lying on the grass. My immediate response was disgust and annoyance, I wanted to eat my lunch in peace and not be confronted by this individual’s reality. I was then moved with compassion. Why not go and share my lunch with him, sit with him and just be with him. This second wave of feelings I have learnt to recognise as the prompting of the Holy Spirit. As I approached him, I saw that he was in a post consumption slumber, the first of two 1.5l pouches of wine lay empty. After rousing him, we talked and laughed together, despite often asking him to repeat himself, a slurred Scottish accent transmitted through food isn’t easy. He railed against God and governance, the four men who had caused the bruising on his face and the fact that wasps can’t help being wasps; unlike humans. He thanked me repeatedly for sharing lunch with him, he particularly loved the bread, and laughed as I pointed out that he was basically having communion. He shared his heartbreak for his four boys after agreeing that God must love him to have randomly sent me to sit with him and we prayed together, leaving with fondness.

As I sat at the train station, reflecting on what had happened, I was keenly aware of the enemy’s lies “You only did this to feel good about yourself, to gain points with God and others, to have a good story to tell.” I smiled as I dismissed these lies, knowing that this interaction would be simply treasured in my heart. I was then struck by the previous conversation, which radically changed this line of thinking and led to this post.

I recently spent time with a great friend, someone I’ve known for more than 20 years. Speaking from a place of pain and self doubt, he was casting the profound impact he has had on many people as a series of selfish manipulations led by a desire for control and power. I was gutted as he said to me: “I only helped them because I knew they’d then owe me.” One could absolutely put his behaviour down to these motivations, if you didn’t KNOW him. I KNOW that the homeless men he has brought to work for him, the people he has financially bailed out, the sacrifices of time and belongings, were motivated by love. He needed reMINDing. He is pure hearted, he is led by the Holy Spirit, he is  a son.

How about you? How quickly do you put your obedience to the Holy Spirit down to selfish ambitions, how easily do you believe the lies and doubt your heart, how little do you credit your humanity?

We are not, yet, fully perfected; so yes, there will be times where our motivations aren’t holy, but the Holy Spirit will reveal that to you, bringing conviction rather than condemnation.

What’s the difference between the two?

Conviction – the Holy Spirit points something out and it draws you TO your Heavenly Father in a desire to find forgiveness and change, metanoia – repentance.

Condemnation is from the enemy, it makes you feel dirty and causes you to distance yourself FROM God. You can’t face Him, you hide.

It’s the difference between Adam and Eve hiding from God out of fear and David ripping his garments and crying out to his Father.

Those who are led by the Spirit are the sons of God. Romans 8: 14

You are a son (male or female). The Holy Spirit invites you to be the hands/ feet/ voice that God wants to use to bring His love to a broken humanity who thinks He is a distant, angry, figment of institutional power and manipulation.

Do justly, love mercy, walk humbly… With.